Prayer

Today I found out that my dear friend Tammy (a woman who I love with all my heart and consider to be one of the 3 wise women God has given me to help me on my journey of being a wife and mother) is on the other end of this country fearing that she is going to lose her dear husband of so many years. Tammy and Ralph are who I want Jay and I to be when we grow up. They are what marriage looks like when I imagine happily ever after. It just can't be fair that this is happening to them now...just after Ralph retired and they began all the wonderful journeys that retirement holds in store.

Okay, I know I sound like I am pouting. Well, I guess I am. I am just plain mad. Stomping on the floor, tantrum throwing mad.

It's funny, if this were another friend and Tammy were listening to me share my feelings (as she so often does), I know what she would say to me. "Kristy, it's okay to be mad. Your feelings are valid. But, let's find a better way to express them rather than throwing this tantrum." And then she would suggest so many different ways I could find the release from my pain besides acting like a 2 year old. All the while loving me just the same as she did before I ever began my rantings.

It's what she does for me. She listens, lets me be me and then advises me, all the while loving and validating me. She is so good to me! You see, that's why I feel so helpless. I want to listen to her share her heart, let her be herself or throw a tantrum and then validate and love her. But she is on the other side of the country and I can't. I long so badly to do this for her, but she is just so far away.

So, I am going to listen to the other 2 wise women God has given me (Sheryl and Janene) and listen very clearly when they tell me that prayer is powerful and IT IS an amazing gift we can give to our dear friends who are in pain. No matter where they are, God is still God and He is there with them all at the same time being he is listening to us.

And then when Tammy gets home (no matter what the outcome), I am going to hug her and let her throw the biggest temper tantrum ever seen, then I am just going to do what she does for me: love her through it!

Please keep my precious friend and her family in your prayers.

Open house

This week has been open house at our children's schools. It has been fun going to their classrooms and seeing all the work they have done in preparation for this night.

It strikes me after veiwing their work, hearing their stories and talking to their teachers the differences in my 3 children. Now, that's totally fine with Jay and I because we realize that God made us all different with special gifts. I guess it just floors me to think that 3 children from the same parents and home environment would be so very different.

As I remark on their differences, I am reminded that even though God made each person on earth different and unique, he loves us all the same. AND, He died for ALL of us. Not just the nice one, not just the smart one, not the most righteous, or the richest of us. ALL of us. How awesome is that? To know that we don't have to try to be a person we aren't to have God love us. We can just be who we are created to be and enjoy it all the while resting in the assurance that Jesus died for our sins so that we may go to Heaven. AMAZING!

It is my prayer that my children can see the love of Christ modeled through Jay and I. That they know that even though they are so different and unique that we love them all just the same and there isn't anything they have to do other than be who they were created to be!

Just reflecting

We had the most amazing weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge. It was just so much fun for all of us. Yes, even mom rode the water slide! Hunter said "Mom, I have never seen you so........so wet!" Well, honestly,I didn't have a choice, there was no way to stay dry in that place. And just between you and me, I really TRIED! It was nice to have so much fun as a family and see the kids having the freedom to laugh and have no cares or worries. It's funny, it's in the carefree time of this weekend that I realized how much my children do worry about things that little children shouldn't have to think about.

Speaking of worries, here's an example: I went to pick Jayson up this afternoon and was giving him a run down of our evening and was explaining to him that we would miss his band practice tonight for different reasons, but one of them being that Daddy was called out of town on an emergency. I went on in my explaination and he interupted me by saying "what emergency?" and I said "I will tell you in a minute". At that very moment I looked over at my child's face and felt so sad. Sad because I had to stop in that split second and say "no one in our family has died honey". I realized by that look on his sweet face that the last time we had almost this very same discussion is when I told him his grandmother had passed. How sad for me to have to say to a 12 year old "no one has died". Immediate relief was on his face and I was able to go on with the explanation of why our evening had been altered. (Side note: the emergency was work related for Jay...to make a long story short, a man was hurt today while working on a rail car...please keep him and his family in your prayers).

Just when we come from a weekend of fun and excitement, I once again get to see the impact that this last year has taken on my family. I think, will we ever just go more than a couple of days without the feeling of loss? Will my kids ever stop thinking about what I will say to them when I pick them up from school?

Maybe the pain will lessen, the days between the sadness will grow longer, but I now realize that my children will never forget those days that they were told about their grandparents. Those days will always be tucked away in their mind ready to produce a shadow of fear, sadness, worry or doubt. But, I choose to believe that the good days (like those spent this weekend) will be in the forefront of their minds and ready to produce the happy, safe and secure feelings that I know my children also feel.