Just reflecting

We had the most amazing weekend at the Great Wolf Lodge. It was just so much fun for all of us. Yes, even mom rode the water slide! Hunter said "Mom, I have never seen you so........so wet!" Well, honestly,I didn't have a choice, there was no way to stay dry in that place. And just between you and me, I really TRIED! It was nice to have so much fun as a family and see the kids having the freedom to laugh and have no cares or worries. It's funny, it's in the carefree time of this weekend that I realized how much my children do worry about things that little children shouldn't have to think about.

Speaking of worries, here's an example: I went to pick Jayson up this afternoon and was giving him a run down of our evening and was explaining to him that we would miss his band practice tonight for different reasons, but one of them being that Daddy was called out of town on an emergency. I went on in my explaination and he interupted me by saying "what emergency?" and I said "I will tell you in a minute". At that very moment I looked over at my child's face and felt so sad. Sad because I had to stop in that split second and say "no one in our family has died honey". I realized by that look on his sweet face that the last time we had almost this very same discussion is when I told him his grandmother had passed. How sad for me to have to say to a 12 year old "no one has died". Immediate relief was on his face and I was able to go on with the explanation of why our evening had been altered. (Side note: the emergency was work related for Jay...to make a long story short, a man was hurt today while working on a rail car...please keep him and his family in your prayers).

Just when we come from a weekend of fun and excitement, I once again get to see the impact that this last year has taken on my family. I think, will we ever just go more than a couple of days without the feeling of loss? Will my kids ever stop thinking about what I will say to them when I pick them up from school?

Maybe the pain will lessen, the days between the sadness will grow longer, but I now realize that my children will never forget those days that they were told about their grandparents. Those days will always be tucked away in their mind ready to produce a shadow of fear, sadness, worry or doubt. But, I choose to believe that the good days (like those spent this weekend) will be in the forefront of their minds and ready to produce the happy, safe and secure feelings that I know my children also feel.