The "new" normal

After VT's death I kept saying "when things get back to normal around here, I am going to ______ (fill in the blank". But we never seemed to get back to normal. Try as we might our normal was just out of our grasp. I think it took me about 3 months to realize, that we were living our "new" normal. Things would never be as they were before this man left our lives and it was time to stop waiting to go back there and move forward. You know, seize the day, so to speak.

Okay, so you would think that knowing this it would be easier to grasp after losing Bug. NOT! It just doesn't seem to want to sink in. Maybe it's denial or just plain old grief. Maybe "new" normal isn't as fun as "old" normal. Maybe "new" normal is just too different and being a creature of habit I rebel. Well, for whatever reason, I am not comfortable with it all just quite yet. I thought I could talk myself into jumping in to the "new" normal this week. The kids went back to school, Jay started his new job and I am back to the daily chores of keeping our home. But for some reason it's just not feeling right.

You see, there is just enough of the "old" normal going on to make me wish we were still there and not enough "new" to make me want to be there yet. Is it grief? Probably so.

Even having been at this spot before, my family and I are still going to have to go back and work through it just like we did with VT. We can't jump ahead and be the "new" normal until we have gone day by day and let it all change over gradually. One day at a time the "old" fades and the "new" becomes a safe, comfortable and happy place to be. For a person who likes results yesterday, the one day at a time is so hard. But, alas, I realize, this is the way it has to be done.

Thank you to my dear friends who are helping me and my family adjust and take it day by day. Without your help and support I just don't think we could do it.