Our Star

So, last night was the opening of the play. It was FANTASTIC....the kids were just awesome. Their theater teacher is just amazing. Most of us would never know the talent our children have if she didn't show us (literally).

Each time I see any of my children do something new or different or just something that they are great at, it's like watching them take their first steps all over again. It's like hearing the first word all over again. I just can't stop smiling and I can't stop clapping and cheering them on!

It is an amazing feeling to watch your child do something that he was born to do. It literally fills my heart in a way that I simply can't explain. I am just so proud of him!

The middle child

It's late, all the kids are in bed and I was thinking about how I don't speak much about Hunter's "stuff". And then it hit me, she just doesn't have the same sort of "stuff" Jayson and Katie have. I see why the middle child has to vie for position, they can get lost so easily in between the older and the younger. In our case, it's teenage hormones versus little girl anxieties. When, for pete's sake does Hunter have time for a crisis?

Hunter, my sweet, precious child who is so full of sass it amazes me! But yet, she is the girl who just does about everything that I ask her to do without complaining. She is such a great kid that even at parent teacher conference her teacher calls her the perfect student. She's polite, she's helpful, she is organized and she's SMART! We have never had a homework struggle with her, never had a "stress" meltdown. We never have to bring her things forgotten at home. She is just a super organized child. E-A-S-Y!

I know that there is no perfect child, but Hunter really does try to be our perfect child. We got off to a rocky start when she was a baby (reflux would be to blame for that), but my goodness she is so easy now. She reminds me of myself at that age actually......

Now, let me just say, reminding me of myself isn't exactly a kudo for me (or her). As much as I love the ease of having Hunter as a child, I worry about her falling into the trap I did. Be perfect and get love. That was my equation all thruough my life until about 5 years ago. I always thought if I were the perfect child that I could make my parents love me and want to be with me. I really don't know where I got that notion, but it is what it is.....was what it was. And let me tell you, it will wear a person out.

One day last week, my dear wise women and I were praying together in Hunter's room and I was so overcome with emotion because I realized how important it is for Hunter to know that I love her. I love her with a fierceness I could never explain to her. And I prayed for my need to have her know that I love her regardless of her "works". I need her to know that when she does fail (and she will), that I will love her as much at that time as I do now. I really need her to know that perfection is NOT attainable and that she shouldn't kill her spirit or exhaust her body trying to reach it so that she can feel loved by anyone.

But the most important thing I need her to know is that GOD loves her and HE doesn't expect perfection from her at all. And that when she fails (and she will) He will be there right along side her mama to pick her up and tell her that she is amazing and it's not because of what she does, but because of who she is!

Love you baby girl!

1 year

Yesterday was one year since Jay's mom died. And quite honestly, I am stunned myself, but I just don't have the words to describe the feelings I have regarding this day.

I just want Jay to know that I recognize that it has been a year since his mother passed and that I know this year has had lots of hard days in it. I wish that she were still here with us and that we didn't have to feel the pain in losing her. But, I also know that she is in Heaven with VT and JESUS and for that, we can shout for joy. Even through our tears.

Pain

Katie's tonsil will come out November 20th. I honestly don't know if I am looking forward to it or dreading it. On one hand, I know sleep will come so much easier on her, but on the other I can't see much past the pain she will endure.

Pain....

Why is it that each time we get to the point of change in our lives, often change for the good, we have to endure the pain to get there? I mean why does every stinking thing have to be so hard? I know, I know everything isn't really hard, but it sure seems lately around here it is. I guess if you came to my blog today for one of my chipper lessons, I have let you down. Sorry about that.

You see, I have a daughter who is going through separation anxiety to the max and quite honestly it wears a person down after a while. She struggles for control in every situation. Why? Fear maybe, or maybe PAIN? She has sure felt enough of that over the past 18 months. She actually told me in the car the other day that she missed her grammy and papaw so bad that she couldn't hardly stand it. PAIN! That pain jabbed me straight to the heart. I felt it for her, I really did. So, because of her pain, I feel pain. I hurt so bad that I can't hardly stand it! I wish I could fix it for her, but I can't. It's like the tonsils, she has to feel it for a while so she can push through to the healing.


Katie's doctor assures me that the pain from the tonsils will be temporary and that when we come out on the other side, we are going to be so happy with the results. If this is the same way God operates (no pun intended), then could someone tell Him, that we are ready for healing to begin. I am sure we will be glad in the end that we endured the pain and we will see the lesson for it, but when we are in the middle of it, it pretty much stinks.

So, there you go....my downer of a blog. I don't do it very often, but sometimes a girl just has to come clean. Maybe it's the beginning of the healing???? The beginning of the end of the pain? Sure hope so!

The results are in...

Well, on Tuesday we got the results of Katie's sleep study. To make a long story short, she is definitely having sleep issues. Pretty bad ones at that. So, the tonsils must come out.

Do you ever kick yourself in the butt because you think "I should have done something about this sooner?" Well, this is one of those moments for me. I have known for about 2 years that those tonsils were not normal in that child, but I had left it for the pediatrician to decidewhen/if they would come out. Now, don't get me wrong, I love my pediatrician BECAUSE he is so conservative, but this time I should have gone with the mommy instincts over the pediatrician.
My poor sweet angel has not had a good nights sleep in.....well, I don't know how long it's been.

But, I am going to stop with the woulda, coulda, shouldas and be thankful that we are able to absolutely, beyond a shadow of a doubt know sure that the tonsils are going to have to come out.

I hate the thought of what she is going to go through, but I have to hang onto the promise of the better quality of sleep and a happier (and in the long run, healthier) child.

So, please pray for our little sweet angel. We see the ENT on Tuesday and my goal is to do the surgery over Thanksgiving break. I will keep you all posted!

It's a boy!

One would think that being a mother of 3 kids, wife to 1 husband, owner of 2 dogs, 1 fish and sub-owner of 2 parekeets (I help Jayson out from time to time) would be enough for a woman to handle. Then add a few household chores and chauffer duties into that and it gets quite crazy around here. Sometimes it is a very delicate balancing act that has taken me years of practice to get to the point of not melting down over our schedule.

So, when my balance gets upset, I get a little upset. The latest un-balancer (is that a word?) came to me from the mouth of my own son. You see, his father (who was the initial un-balancer) informed my son that he could use his birthday money to buy 2 parakeets. Jay said to me "it will teach him a lesson, he will spend all his money and won't have any left and then he will have to work really hard to keep the birds and probably wish that he hadn't spent the money on them." Well, that lesson backfired because Jayson loves little Minnie and Daisy (cute huh?). He takes very good care of them and buys them all their supplies and researches everything he can on these birds. So (back to the unbalance), imagine my shock when Jayson came in to inform me that Minnie should be Donald! Yep, we have a Donald and a Daisy! Oh my! How in the world did that happen?

Can one sue Petsmart for undo stress on this poor mother? What in the world are we going to do? Jayson loves those birds, the girls love those birds and I have to admit, they are kinda cute....but my oh my, it doesn't take a genius to figure out boy+girl = baby birds!

Well, all I gotta say is my husband is in big trouble along with the people at Petsmart who sold us these two "gals." I have no time for this type of fiasco. No time!

Where is my lesson in this one? Well, I don't have one, but my husband sure does......he should listen to me when I say "no more pets!"

On Thursday, we go to the vet to see if for sure Minnie is a boy and if so, well.........anybody want a parakeet?

Sleepy Head

Katie went for her sleep study last night.....she did really well. She slept great, wish I could say the same for mommy. But what matters is that they find the answers we need to decide on the tonsils.. She was such a trooper while they got her all ready for the study. They even asked her if the 3 year old next door could come in and watch her so that little girl wouldn't be afraid. Katie was so brave and Mrs. Kim told her that she was the best little girl patient she ever had! Her new friend's mommy told her they never would have made it without her.
Picture posted in case you ever wondered what it might look like if you were having a sleep study. Fun fun fun.